just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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