No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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