im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
