Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
