That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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