Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
