im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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