I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
