I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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