I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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