I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
