If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize