I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
