dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
