Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
