sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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