Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
