When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
