Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Still dying that you shit outside
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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