I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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