Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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