Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
