Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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