508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
