Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
