I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
