He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
