I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
