Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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