dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
