She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
