Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
