i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
