So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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