Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize