you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
