My friends, they love my intelligence
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
