Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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