My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
