Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
My feet surprised me
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