Sponge bath it is.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
