Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize