Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
