He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
