i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i dont even know how to be here
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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