Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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