I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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