Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
