I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Who wears a wallet chain?!
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
