I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
