chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
