this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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