I'm gonna have a badass scar
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
