the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
