I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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