There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
