so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
