just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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