There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
