She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
