Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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