he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
