she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Just invented taco cereal.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Randomize