So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's shark week go big or go home
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
