I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
