quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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