I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
