just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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