With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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