I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
