I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
