I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Success! We fucked roommates!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
