I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
we made out on top of his cat.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I FOUND THE LEGS
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
